ARE YOU A PEOPLE PLEASER?

Do you put your needs after everyone else’s? Do you wait for people to be happy, so you can feel happy? Do you always say – YES? Do you give more to others than you give to yourself? Are you always organising other people’s lives?

Well, if you answered yes to many of these questions you are simply putting yourself second best. This behaviour is deeply rooted in your past, whether it is abusive parents, harsh critics, an absence of love, neglect, unrealistically high expectations of yourself or feeling at odds with society. 

Being continuously criticised or neglected causes the need for excessive control by trying to please everyone and projecting a sense of perfection. There are many people with this behaviour, and often there is one commonality – the fear of rejection or failure. Your attempt to please the world leaves you feeling like you’ve done something good; by always helping and giving you think people will have to love you in return.

"Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing." - AUGUST WILSON -

This pattern is very destructive as you are neglecting yourself. It can make you passive aggressive and foster resentment and it may also affect your ability to enjoy other people’s company and make you reclusive. In the worst cases, it can cause acute stress and depression as you will feel like everyone takes advantage of you. When your heart is lacking love and has done for a very long time, giving and pleasing is one of the many human coping mechanisms – pleasing becomes a currency to buy a moment of love. By pleasing, you feed on the emotion of other people and it will become addictive. You’ll end up relying on other people to make you feel good, whereas it should come from within. The remedy if you’re a people pleaser is learning how to say NO! The more you give, the more you’ll feel that you have been used, where in truth it was your choice to give, no matter if people asked for something or not. The choice to say NO is always yours.

"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection" - GAUTAMA BUDDHA -

You are no good to anyone if you don’t look after yourself. Your heart is in the right place, but before you feed the world you must feed yourself. Give to others if you have extra, but don’t deprive yourself from things that your heart desires. Don’t let the guilt of success or personal abundance ruin your enjoyment of life. Start being generous towards yourself, as other people only need your love -- anymore than that is superfluous. You cannot buy love, but if you surround yourself with the right people they will love you unconditionally. Indulge in the things that you enjoy – by fulfilling your deepest desires and making your dreams come true, you won’t have the need to please continuously.

Most people want to surround themselves with strong and confident people; so you must learn how to say NO as otherwise you will be taken advantage of. There are many people who will try to pass you boring tasks and make you responsible for difficult situations, don’t make their life easy at the expense of yours.

“If you don't build your dream, someone else will hire you to help them build theirs.”- DHIRUBHAI AMBANI -

You are an incredible human being with a bright future, just choose to see it! Release the pain from the past, your lack of love can be filled with a handful of good people and the pursuit of a happy life.

YOUR UPBRINGING & YOUR PAST DON’T DEFINE YOUR FUTURE. 

YOU DO!

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NOBODY IS PERFECT.

Human perfection doesn't exist. We all make mistakes; we have bad experiences; we make the wrong choices; we trust the wrong people and we say the wrong things. We’re born to experience life to its fullest, but many of us waste so much energy trying so hard to be perfect, even though perfection is an illusion. If we didn't give so much importance to how others perceived our lives and our choices, our reality would be less complicated. We would focus on what’s important and enjoy the journey. When we make poor choices, find ourselves in unpleasant situations or are confronted with negative people, the consequences are usually emotional. 

Sometimes we’re sad or we question why it’s happening.  Sometimes we feel guilty and experience obsessive thoughts. But the real problem is being consumed by regret, instead of learning from the experience and moving forward. By thinking about our actions and the impact on ourselves and other people we are growing from within and realising what’s good and what is not. To excel in life we must continue to learn, and many things in life must be learnt through difficult experience as they really can’t be taught.

"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honourable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing." - George Bernard Shaw -

Trying to be perfect is exhausting, time-consuming and often associated with poor self-awareness. The life decisions you make should be aligned with how you see your future, and not be based on how others see theirs. By taking risks and getting out of your comfort zone you will be faced with hard decisions, but these are necessary to achieve your goals and to ultimately be happy. As long as you are not hurting anyone, and the decisions are vital for your growth, then you should be at peace. Staying rational, being positive and making the best choice for yourself is your only option. Even if it turns out to be a poor choice later, you still made the best decision you could at the time. 

Some people take a long time to come to terms with negative experiences, but these people in particular, have very high expectations of themselves often combined with little self-confidence. We are not born knowing everything, our birth is a chance for a new beginning, to observe how our ancestors lived so we can retain the good but change the bad. We must experience, learn, grow, mature, enjoy life and love every lesson. It is crucial to come to terms with any negative experience, otherwise it will consume you and stunt your growth.

All your negative experiences and the unkind people that have crossed your path have taught you something. You will know better next time. No matter who you are, or how old you are, you will never stop learning. 

The more curious and ambitious you are about living a full life, the more experiences you will have. Just be sure to learn each lesson as it’s presented to you.  You’ll gain wisdom through experience, as it doesn’t come through simply growing old.

"Do not fear mistakes. You will know failure. Continue to reach out." Benjamin Franklin.

NO ONE IS PERFECT. Each of us is unique and imperfection is character!

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