HINDSIGHT TRULY IS A WONDERFUL THING - “GUEST POST by Close By Sky”

"About 3 years ago, I decided to change my life and take a new direction. I needed to find my true purpose, to start living from within rather than simply fitting in. However, I didn’t know where to begin, so I decided to learn meditation - it seemed a good starting point. I needed to listen to my crying soul, as for far too long I’ve ignored the pain inside. Life had blessed me with a Buddhist centre just around the corner from my new home. As I went to the classes, I made a connection with someone who was looking for peace of mind and direction, just like me. That someone is now my friend and we do our best to catch up whenever possible. We talk about the nature of life, humanity and our fears - conversations that we should all have once in a while. She kindly agreed to contribute to my blog by writing about finding her true purpose and her experience with work, something we can all relate to."

Love, Life as we go along.

A year and a half ago, I was in a stressful job that I did not enjoy.  I had felt that way for some time but fear of the unknown prevented me from doing anything about it. Now a year and a half later, I am about to start a new career, having spent a year training and working with a group of wonderful and inspiring people. 

I have learnt a few things along the way, and I’d like to share three of the most important lessons I learnt here: 

Fear is okay - I stayed for too long in a situation that was making me unhappy because I was afraid to step out of it. I was unable to imagine myself in another reality. Eventually, I became so afraid that I would regret not making a change, that I took the leap.

In the intervening months, I have been in myriad uncertain and unfamiliar situations and have survived. I’ve met wonderful people and felt the excitement of learning again.   My fear of the unknown has not gone away, but I have accepted that it never will. Instead, I see now that we all have a tremendous capacity to live with uncertainty and – with time- to thrive with change. We are infinitely more resilient and capable that we think we are.

There is no such thing as a ‘meaningful job’ - I, like most people, spend a lot of time working. My work is a facet of my identity. I spent 7 years working for a private sector consultancy. I used to dream of finding a more ‘meaningful job’, where I could help people and make a difference in their lives. Over the past year and half, having worked in different sectors and organisations, I have realised that no job is more worthy than another. You can find meaning in absolutely any job you do.

Meaning does not come from the job. It comes from you. You can inspire people, do good, and make people’s lives better through the way you think and behave, every moment of each day. 

I have met people working in social sector organisations, who are, frankly, not interested in helping people – inside or outside of work. And I know investment bankers who are changing their world and our world with their compassion, love and energy. It is how we are that matters. 

Spend time with people that share your values - You probably do this anyway, as we tend to gravitate towards people we feel a connection with. However, if you are looking to make a change in your life, achieve a goal, or realise a dream, spend time with other people that share your dream. This is not the same as surrounding yourself with people who agree with everything you say. We always need people in our lives that challenge us to think differently. But inertia can be a powerful thing. 

When you are striving for something that requires tenacity and determination – be around more people who tell you all the reasons why you can do it, rather than all the reasons why you can’t. Push through the fear that you will naturally feel. Positive energy is contagious!

"I hope you’ve enjoyed this and many thanks to the glorious Life as we go along for posting – your energy is truly magnificent!" - Close by sky -

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ARE YOU A PEOPLE PLEASER?

Do you put your needs after everyone else’s? Do you wait for people to be happy, so you can feel happy? Do you always say – YES? Do you give more to others than you give to yourself? Are you always organising other people’s lives?

Well, if you answered yes to many of these questions you are simply putting yourself second best. This behaviour is deeply rooted in your past, whether it is abusive parents, harsh critics, an absence of love, neglect, unrealistically high expectations of yourself or feeling at odds with society. 

Being continuously criticised or neglected causes the need for excessive control by trying to please everyone and projecting a sense of perfection. There are many people with this behaviour, and often there is one commonality – the fear of rejection or failure. Your attempt to please the world leaves you feeling like you’ve done something good; by always helping and giving you think people will have to love you in return.

"Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing." - AUGUST WILSON -

This pattern is very destructive as you are neglecting yourself. It can make you passive aggressive and foster resentment and it may also affect your ability to enjoy other people’s company and make you reclusive. In the worst cases, it can cause acute stress and depression as you will feel like everyone takes advantage of you. When your heart is lacking love and has done for a very long time, giving and pleasing is one of the many human coping mechanisms – pleasing becomes a currency to buy a moment of love. By pleasing, you feed on the emotion of other people and it will become addictive. You’ll end up relying on other people to make you feel good, whereas it should come from within. The remedy if you’re a people pleaser is learning how to say NO! The more you give, the more you’ll feel that you have been used, where in truth it was your choice to give, no matter if people asked for something or not. The choice to say NO is always yours.

"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection" - GAUTAMA BUDDHA -

You are no good to anyone if you don’t look after yourself. Your heart is in the right place, but before you feed the world you must feed yourself. Give to others if you have extra, but don’t deprive yourself from things that your heart desires. Don’t let the guilt of success or personal abundance ruin your enjoyment of life. Start being generous towards yourself, as other people only need your love -- anymore than that is superfluous. You cannot buy love, but if you surround yourself with the right people they will love you unconditionally. Indulge in the things that you enjoy – by fulfilling your deepest desires and making your dreams come true, you won’t have the need to please continuously.

Most people want to surround themselves with strong and confident people; so you must learn how to say NO as otherwise you will be taken advantage of. There are many people who will try to pass you boring tasks and make you responsible for difficult situations, don’t make their life easy at the expense of yours.

“If you don't build your dream, someone else will hire you to help them build theirs.”- DHIRUBHAI AMBANI -

You are an incredible human being with a bright future, just choose to see it! Release the pain from the past, your lack of love can be filled with a handful of good people and the pursuit of a happy life.

YOUR UPBRINGING & YOUR PAST DON’T DEFINE YOUR FUTURE. 

YOU DO!

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FACE YOUR FEARS

We, humans project our fears onto each other unconsciously, we forget that our destinies are different and we dismiss that our desires and dreams are poles apart. Yet we seek validation for our everyday choices and we need to feel like we belong. Some of us are ready to give up what truly makes us happy so we can be like everyone else.

"Always do what you are afraid to do." - Ralph Waldo Emerson -

Why do we project fear onto each other? I think it is mainly because we are scared of the unknown; we worry about being judged as we might stand out from the crowd. But, the future cannot be predicted, we make our paths as we walk. Not everything is pre-written as we design our future in our present. We have the power as long as we choose what we want.

We will always be judged for something, no matter who we are. We single out people for being different, and that difference could be anything – it’s a human failing. If someone has more than another person it’s almost certainly because they worked harder, believed and never gave up, whereas the other person thought it was impossible.

They are two types of people in the world; the ones who think for themselves and make decisions in order to lead their life in happiness, and the ones who are on the boat of life, not really knowing where they are heading and happy to just go along with whatever comes next. It's a personal choice.

It is important to take a leap of faith and push for change; we often don’t understand why someone would make a decision that seems so crazy, knowing that we would never take that risk. 

Like a sudden change of direction, which often means starting from scratch, fighting old habits and the financial struggle for a few years. 

We shouldn't project our own fears onto people who are trying to realise their dreams, especially if they know the risks and are willing to take a chance.

"My 'fear' is my substance, and probably the best part of me." - Franz Kaftka - 

It’s alright to be your own person and make choices that suit you; it’s your right to choose a life that confirms your aspirations and dreams. You don’t have to be like everyone else, we are all different. 

Think of it this way: all the wires in your brain are made of different colors; your colors might be blue and green, so you will need to make different choices in order to find happiness.

It is most likely that your friends and family have different colors in mind, so your choices and aspirations will be different. However it doesn't mean you can’t enjoy each other’s company, you will simply make dissimilar choices.

When you are telling someone about your plans to do something completely out of the ordinary, don’t absorb their discouragement, this is only what they would feel if they were in your shoes, but they are not wired like you. 

Understand that some people are not courageous enough to take a leap of faith into the unknown as it is frightening. 

"Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold." - Helen Keller -

Some people think they aren't worthy or might fail, but they could succeed if they believed. This doesn't make them any better or worse than you, they just choose to stay within their comfort zone which is safe and easy, perfectly understandable. However, some of us want more out of life so we walk through doors not certain where they will lead and we are willing to believe in the impossible. It isn't always easy given the lack of support in some cases but never give up, keep walking, alone if must be.

Life created diversity, so let’s recognise it! Let’s set each other free to be whom we want to be. Society doesn’t dictate who we are, we don’t have to fit any mould but our own, and as life goes on, every day is a new chance to be happy. So find your colors and don’t fear to be you.

Fear is the only barrier to success and happiness; you must be willing to face it in order to find what you seek.

LOVE WHO YOU ARE AND BELIEVE YOU CAN.

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