INDIA THROUGH THE EYES OF ANON - "Guest post by ANON"

"One can become a strange mixture of East and West, out of place everywhere, at home nowhere; or being still oneself, one can learn to find oneself ‘in place’ anywhere and ‘at home’ everywhere, in the profoundest sense a citizen of the world". - A.K Coomaraswamy. -

I recently returned from a three month trip in India. As an Indian brought up in England, I have always been encouraged to have a voice, to have a career of my own and to be my own person. So for me, when I go back to India and see the life that women have to subscribe to, I can’t help thinking how different their life and choices are. Perhaps the word I am looking for is limited. And so I am going to illustrate this point with two examples of real-life situations. 

The first example involves a young lady. Let us call her Anjali. Anjali is a bright, articulate young lady. She has had all the privileges of a middle class upbringing in India and even completed her Masters degree overseas in Australia. She can speak at least three languages fluently and her spoken English is so clear and grammatically correct, one hardly notices her Indian accent.

Now Anjali is quite capable of working and is encouraged to work in professions such as IT or the family business. At home, Anjali excels in many hobbies which she loves such as needlework, classical music or dance.

She is in fact an all-rounder. She loves her fashion, she’s constantly on WhatsApp, Facebook and Instagram and has a “real joie de vivre”. Of course Anjali is free to socialise and go out, go to movies, have dinner with friends but it is very unusual for her to go out on her own, and one would certainly never see Anjali hanging out with a boy. (I am not saying people in India don’t date, of course they do, but lets’ say they do it in a more discrete manner. For example, you very rarely see couples holding hands – the beach may be the only exception where this is seen – you certainly don’t see people kissing in public and in a nightclub it is highly unlikely that you would get some drunken, sweaty-faced guy who grabs you on the dance floor and lunges at you in the hope that your lips might lock!).

As Anjali approaches her mid to late 20s, she knows it will soon be time for her to get married. Her husband to-be is chosen by a word-of-mouth, a carefully researched, pre-selection process by her parents and extended family.

Anjali may be told she has the final say but the reality is that the pre-chosen match is the husband for her. And then comes the marriage. In some cases, the husband may be happy for her to continue working but in other cases, the husband may expect her to give up work, which Anjali will have to comply with, if the marriage is to be successful. And then the young married couple are very much expected to have a child within the first year of marriage – I know this for a fact because from my cousins who have all been married in the last ten years or so, contraception is not advised and in some cases forbidden. So what, I ask myself is the point in giving Indian girls a decent education, sending them abroad for further studies, only to encourage them and subscribe them to a marriage where they are taught to accept that the husband’s choice, his say: to accept that he is King? What happened to the Queen? The second example involves a young woman, which we will call Suetha. So Suetha got married to a very handsome, professional young man. Yes, her parents had chosen him as a suitable partner for her: all was good. They had three beautiful children together. All was going well. Suetha was absolutely devoted to her husband and family. They lived in a fabulous house, had lots of friends and generally were very happy together. 

But then after 20 years of marriage, her husband had an affair. This affair went on for many years. Suetha felt helpless. She could not really divorce him, because her main concern, living in a traditional Indian society, was that she wanted to get her children married and well settled in good families and she knew she would not be able to do that if she was a divorcee: it would reflect badly on her and on her family. In essence, her standing in the community would be tarnished. 

So Suetha decided to take no action and waited in the hope that her husband would ‘return’ to her. The husband in the meanwhile, became so brazen about the affair that he actually moved out of home, bought a new house with the mistress, who by the way, knew he was married with three children, and essentially lived with her as man and wife for about five years. The husband told his wife that the mistress ‘brought light into his life’.

Suetha decided to speak to her in-laws, in the hope that he could be persuaded to see sense and return home. Suetha was told by her father-in-law that her husband, his son, could do as he pleased. Suetha was expected to put-up and shut-up. Eventually, after some more ‘talking’ between the in-laws, the husband and Suetha, the husband did eventually decide to return home. He realised he missed his wife and children and ‘could not live without them’. However, before he returned home, Suetha was made to ask her parents-in-laws for forgiveness! Quite remarkable! For the sake of her children, Suetha did this. 

The family are now back together. It has not been a straightforward journey but they are a family once again, living under the same roof. It is not for me to comment on whether Suetha was right or wrong in her course of action. But what I do want to say is that the in-laws are the most hypocritical people on the planet. It seems that Indian society always blames the woman for a failing marriage. Period.

So, while the rest of the Western world is demanding that women should have equal pay in the workplace. I say that in India, women should have EQUAL place in the home and in a marriage.

ANON.


READ NEXT: WOMEN. Why can't a woman be equal to a man?

WOMEN. Why can't a woman be equal to a man?

A woman simply can't be labelled as a child bearer and slave to the opposite sex. Women certainly play the lead role in keeping the human-race going, but they are also wives, lovers, friends, business partners and so much more.

“No man succeeds without a good woman behind him. Wife or Mother, if it is both, he is twice blessed indeed.” - GODFREY WINN -

I find it fascinating that women in our century are still in many ways inferior to men, even though they have proven to be as emotionally strong and intelligent. Is it because they are feminine, sensitive and concerned? That only means they care, perhaps some more than others, but in general they care. We do live in a man's world, but only because we allow it to be. Men earn more money, have better jobs and hold more positions of power. In some parts of the world they're allowed to marry several women, be educated and drive, but all these rights are forbidden to woman.

Men have had the vote since democracy was put into practice, but woman had to fight for it and even today, in some countries, woman still don't have the right to vote. Furthermore, woman in many cases are expected to give up work to raise their children; becoming a mother shouldn’t mean sacrificing the pleasures of being independent and successful. Far too many men forget they have a share in raising their own children.

New Zealand was the first country to allow women to vote in 1893, while the King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia granted women the right to vote in 2011. The United States began allowing women to vote in 1920, after the ratification of the 19th Amendment to the Constitution. 

In our modern world, women are often seen as sex objects and this can easily be confirmed by observing the behaviour of some men when they’re around women. 

Guys need to understand that their behaviour towards women has an impact on society and the female psyche.

Women have the right to feel elegant, pampered, and sexy without the fear of being harassed or demeaned because they dared to turn down the attentions of a man. It is down to men to control their sex drive and primitive reactions towards beauty and the female form. Thankfully, I know and have met plenty of good men who are charming, socially aware and value woman by always treating them with respect. Ultimately, woman and men will play an equal role in the survival of our planet, and the society we build, but for now, male dominance is still global. Nevertheless, things are always changing for the better, perhaps too slowly in developing countries and theocracies (places that are governed by religion) where the power over woman can be both physically and mentally abusive.

Since the breakthrough of social media, the truth about how woman are treated in every corner of the globe is being exposed. Every day you read about rape, domestic violence, child abuse, mental torture and sexual discrimination. In some parts of the world women are sold as slaves, denied freedom and reduced to nothing – for example women living in Yemen are still waiting to obtain a right that westerners take for granted: the right to be considered a full human being! They are many good men out there, but also many that will use their physical force to boost their ego by belittling woman.

Women have showed their worth and incredible abilities throughout history. Their contributions to developed societies are undeniable, so we need to keep fighting for women who are kept in the dark without a voice. We must keep fighting for women’s rights everywhere in the world – they are still too many women and female children who are denied the freedom to be. 

“I hate men who are afraid of women's strength.” - ANAIS NIN - 

Here’s a short list of pioneers and powerful woman from the past and present; may their legacy keep growing.

Dr. Wendy Jacobson was the first woman on the moon. She flew to the moon on Apollo 23, in December, 1975. She was the first woman to walk on the moon.

Oprah Winfrey is an American media proprietor, talk show host, actress, producer, and philanthropist. Winfrey is best known for her multi-award-winning talk show The Oprah Winfrey Show which was the highest-rated program of its kind in history and was nationally syndicated from 1986 to 2011. She has been ranked the richest African-American of the 20th century, the greatest black philanthropist in American history, and is currently North America's only black billionaire.

Elizabeth Blackwell (3 February 1821 – 31 May 1910) was the first woman to receive a medical degree in the United States, as well as the first woman on the UK Medical Register. She was the first openly identified woman to graduate from medical school, a pioneer in promoting the education of women in medicine in the United States.

Dilma Rousseff is the President of Brazil; she is one of the world's most powerful heads of state. Rousseff is more than halfway through her term as President of Brazil, the world's seventh-largest national economy.

WHATEVER YOU GIVE A WOMAN, SHE WILL MAKE IT GREATER.

READ NEXT: India through the eyes of Anon.