‘FAMILY’ - RETHOUGHT

We are all the products of our environment. Our early conditioning at home has a huge impact on who we become, and the people we grow up with will impact our lives in a way that no one else can. We will absorb their way of dealing with stress, their daily routines, their political views, their spiritual belief, and their social behaviours. That said, many choose to recondition their mind at a later stage in life, especially if their upbringing doesn't align with their true-self. They will either rebel, or learn a new way of life, but the old conditioning cannot be completely cut from their mind, it will remain in some way!

“I was angry and frustrated until I started my own family and my first child was born. Until then I didn’t really appreciate life the way I should have, but fortunately I woke up.” 
- Johnny Depp -

EXPECTATIONS:

There are heavy expectations when it comes to family, often movies and commercials portray family as loving and respecting one another, supporting each other’s dreams and ambitions, a picture of perfect harmony despite the differences in personalities and ambitions! 

Happy families do exist, but perfect families are simply a MYTH! Every single family on the planet has problems, ranging from mild disagreements to abusive behaviour, and sadly even barbarity! I believe we need to redefine the word ‘FAMILY’ to improve our lives, and the lives of families that come after ours. 

We must all understand that parents are just people with their own problems. Gratefully, some are more enlightened than others, but they all still have issues and fears. They are not gods, or wizards with magic wands, they don’t have answers to all our problems, especially if they grew up with limitations and fears themselves! They too come from another unit with their unique story! We must accept that sharing DNA with another person does not make us exactly the same or confer ownership of them. The true duties of family members towards each another are love and support, if they can manage it! Many cannot as they have not received it themselves and this is where many problems start. Think about it for a minute, if you’ve never been loved, guided or encouraged, how could you then pass that onto others? You cannot love if you don’t have love for yourself first!

CONSEQUENCES: 
Many people by the age of 40 will give up on their physical, emotional and mental health, barely thinking of their spiritual needs. They’ll fall onto a limited path, following the limitations of their negative mindset and experiences, without ever finding a way out. 

“A family is a place where minds come in contact with one another.”

- Buddha -

BALANCE:

The main reasons why people cannot get better are the absence of self-belief for self-healing, and the lack of enriching experiences for personal growth. The cycle of broken people repeats itself, recycling negative childhoods for the next generation. The statistics show problems with children who have grown up with fear; poor self-esteem; inability to self-heal; poor education; absence of love; and physical or mental abuse. They all sadly struggle to cope with life as they grow older as they have no foundations to fall upon when faced with the harsh moments of life. Strong foundations are vital to become a balanced individual, so we should hope this truth becomes a reality for future generations to come.

TEACHING: 

Love, kindness, compassion and perseverance must be taught from childhood. We’ve all been taught to treat a cut on our finger with antiseptic and a plaster to help it heal. But, the internal scars and bruises as we grow up have never been spoken of, never healed, never dealt with. Once the child becomes an adult, if the healing of these hurts have not been dealt with, he or she becomes a monumental emotional mess, often angry, negative, misunderstood or anti-social, and unable to reach enlightenment which is the ultimate development of one's inner potential as a human being.

“Everyone needs a house to live in, but a supportive family is what builds a home.” 
- Anthony Liccione -

ESCAPISM:

Unfortunately, we live in a society where no one has time to listen, to feel, or to understand. Instead we seek advice from our friends Jack Daniels or Bud Weiser, and they usually sooth us with some temporary escapism. Others prefer to lose themselves to chemical oblivion, but the return to reality is much harsher, and often dangerous or addictive! They are all soothing  temporarily but they don’t really heal anything. They just keep you numb stealing the sensation of being alive! When you wake up, the problem, the pain or whatever you are attempting to escape from is still there. 

WE ALL HAVE FAMILY PROBLEMS: 

Every single one of us has family issues, from the small and insignificant to genuinely painful situations. But now more than ever it is time to heal our bodies, spirits and minds, we all have what it takes to decide that we’re no longer victims of our experiences and to aim for a brighter life.

We must stop making broken people. The next generations must be raised with love, balance, knowledge and education, but also with a deep understanding of themselves through learning about their own emotions. Teaching mindfulness will help the next generation benefit from controlling their thoughts.

Family feuds have damaged minds and broke many hearts! We are all born into families, but before we call it family, we must learn how to respect each others life choices, beliefs and to make allowances for each other’s faults. I’m not saying that will be easy(!), but we must believe it is possible to take the first step! For many there is a reasonable chance to make amends with your family and find love.

However, some families are beyond repair as no love is present. Protecting our happiness from those who haven’t learnt from their life journey is essential as we are all here to experience our own lives in the most blissful way.

“The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” 
- Henry Ward Beecher -

LET’S CREATE FAMILIES WITH BEAUTIFUL VALUES AND LOVE, 
FOR A BETTER FUTURE AND WORLD.

READ NEXT: Parent's blessing, why seek approval?

MOVING ABOARD - LONGING FOR HOME

Since the invention of locomotion in the early 1800s, the dream to explore new horizons was born, people that had never left their villages and communities could finally explore the rest of the world. As the technology evolved, going anywhere in the world was no longer fiction but a reality. Whether travelling by plane, by train, by boat or by car - the adventures began. As the borders opened worldwide, a great number of people decided to travel and discover what other opportunities the rest of the world had to offer - I guess that’s where the saying comes from: “the world is your oyster”. Travelling the world is an opportunity to grab with both hands. You’ll explore new cultures, learn new languages, eat food you’ve never tasted before and converse with strangers from other parts of the world - I believe everyone should experience travelling!

Our birth place is part of us, it is deeply coded into our mind as the root of all beginnings. The people who surrounded us in our early years, friends and family, shaped who we are today. We are all the product of our environment. As we get older we create strong bonds with the people around us, usually made of ‘unconditional love’. We are in our comfort zone; and we are familiar with our surroundings and our own little tribe. We have developed habits and rituals that make up our everyday life.

For the few that find the courage to leave their comfort zone; they are embarking a great journey! A journey that will change them forever. Many will extend their stay and live in their new country which feels like a daring adventure.  I’d like to compare it to ‘Alice in wonderland’, everything is new and different, the mind is overwhelmed, and the thirst for discoveries and life experiences is finally fulfilled. The first few years are exciting, making new friends, learning a new language, eating and drinking like the locals, working and living abroad is finally happening.

As the years go by, the feeling of missing ‘home’ makes you rethink your commitment. Your childhood friends have moved on; long-distance communication is getting one sided, and the visits are few, and far between. In truth you left their habitat, life kept going back at home but you weren't there. You have missed a lot and sadly some bonds have dissolved. Despite the extra effort to stay in touch, your friends and family don’t think of you as often as you’d like. Yet, they are still a part of your story and you love them dearly. The friends that you have made in your new country understand and love you but it’s different, they know only a small part of your story.

Regardless of the amount of years you’ve lived in your new country, you’ll always be asked the same question - where are you from? Your accent gives you away. The question is a constant reminder that you are not from here, and as the feeling of missing home gets stronger you’ll seek anything that reminds you of home: your favourite food, smells, music or movies - they will all sooth you at times. I drag my partner to every Moroccan, Spanish and French restaurant in town!

The reason behind all of this is the hybrid you’ve become, you are from No-where-land. You are between two cultures (for my part three), and moving back seems crazy too as you no longer have the same life perspective as the people you grow up with. But, you are also very different from the people in your new country. I have struggled the most with British conservative ways and the drinking culture. I love being with people but I personally don’t believe you need to get drunk to socialise, a delicious meal with a handful of good friends is very special to me, even better going for an experience all together is priceless.

Another factor that doesn't help is the constant grey and wet weather, it is so tough when you are from a warm part of the world, and grew up with seasons! I’m someone who’s very warm and tactile, the British like calling me crazy but I’m just naturally high on life and I need the sun!

If you are a mix of cultures and experiences, it will explain the void inside you, no matter where you live. Many people who have decided to experience life away from their birth country often return home eventually. Others fight the fears, the pain and the loss, and they find peace in their mind accepting the sacrifices that moving abroad brings. I have lived this experience too many times, and all of my friends have returned home - I miss them so much!

If you have moved abroad and miss your friends and family, it is absolutely normal. Yes! They could call a little more, write a little more, even visit once in a while, but they must be forgiven as we all too often focus on only what’s just in front of us. It’s the same for your friends and family that stayed back at home, they miss you but they had to fill the hole you left in their lives. Some might have been angry that you left, others didn’t understand your decision, and the rest maybe thought that it’s your loss, not theirs. The truth is, you just tried your luck somewhere else - and why not? We’re not trees after all!

I have worked really hard at staying in touch with my friends and family. I have let some go, and with others, the fruits of my efforts have flourished, and our communication is balanced. The rest -  I’m still working on it! I believe that nowadays we give up on each other too easily. One sided relationships seem to be on the rise, but it is never too late to change, we shouldn’t have to lose all of our relationships to make our dreams come true. Our ways of exchanging information and staying in touch are now better than ever, and meeting up and being in touch with our loved ones, no matter the distance, should be our priority. Change is constant but so is love. 

You must make time, even if you have ‘convinced’ yourself that you never have time. Exchange a few words, ask if people are okay, and send them a little smile once in a while. Many people are worth holding on tightly to, while others are just part of a chapter in our lives, it may hurt to let go but sometimes it hurts more to hang on. 

Visit your home country as often as possible, at least once a year. You’ll miss home less by planning your visits and you’ll look forward to great catch ups with friends and family. You are a citizen of the world and we have no frontiers, but always remember that having loving people in our lives is a solid foundation that helps us thrive. I may go back home one day, or maybe move to another part of the world. Or maybe I’ll visit more often to heal the home sickness. I’m just not sure what the future holds. I’m grateful to my other half for his patience, and support as sometimes I can’t hold back the tears, his love is truly unconditional.

A special thank you to all my friends back home that have remained in contact, and to the ones that I have met on my journey. Despite the many seas that separate us, you are still present and I feel your love. I have left my ‘douce France’ over 10 years ago, lived in different places and different countries, met wonderful souls and experienced so much, no books or films could have given me this experience, so thank you WORLD for allowing me around the globe.

I dedicate this post to you my friends for keeping me in your heart. Love, Always. - Ma douce France, je t’aime, je t'aimais et je t’aimerais. Je vous aimes les copains. -

READ NEXT: Friends

OUR TRAUMATIC CHILDHOODS

So many of our fears and limitations were passed onto us by our parents and the life path they set us on. We all have those moments from our past that are very vivid, moments where our first fears were born and marked us forever. Unfortunately, these fears are still influencing our lives today and limiting us from achieving our full potential.

“Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different.” 
- Oprah Winfrey - 

It doesn't matter what type of life you were born with, or how you were brought up. The key is to keep only the positive from your upbringing such as love, a keen sense of self-worth and anything else that makes your life better and happier. Remove any limitations and negativities from your mind, you can rewrite your approach to life - It is what I did!

I have encountered so many people who were filled with fear and limitations from their childhood. They were unable to assess their situation and treat the source of their anxiety; they hadn’t realised their fear is derived from a past event or conflict. When a parent leaves home it is common to develop a fear of abandonment and guilt; if you were continuously told that you were not good enough you could have easily developed low-self-esteem; or if you were bullied at school for being different, you can easily develop a fear of rejection. Where you lack love from your parents it can be difficult to love and respect yourself. I had so many fears from my childhood and my parents, but I knew that one day I would overcome them all and succeed.

“The conflict between the will to deny horrible events and 
the will to proclaim them aloud is the central dialectic 
of psychological trauma.” 
- Judith Lewis Herman, Trauma and Recovery -

Whatever your upbringing, nurture your inner-child and accept the traumatic experiences from your childhood. If there were many negative experiences, try to cast your mind back and assure your younger-self that you are capable of so much. If you lacked care and love, go back and give yourself the love, it is so important for your survival. If you were told that you were not good enough to succeed, go back and tell yourself anything is possible, you are as worthy of success as anyone else. Go back to your traumatic experiences and heal your wounds, once you've healed your inner child you will unleash an incredible power within you. You'll have the confidence and love you need to move forward. You'll understand your fears and where they came from so you can stand up to them or let them go.

I come from a limited family; both of my parents were immigrants from North Africa who were born into farming families and unfortunately both illiterate. Their childhoods were characterised by poverty and religion.

My siblings and I were raised in France on social benefits and sadly my father left home in my early teens. Being poor and uneducated is a big handicap to enjoyment of life, but if your home becomes an unhappy place then your childhood can really become traumatic. Thankfully, I had amazing friends that I spend most of my time with, they and their families showed me the value of respect and love.

“If your body is screaming in pain, whether the pain is muscular contractions, anxiety, depression, asthma or arthritis, a first step in releasing the pain may be making the connection between your body pain and the cause. “Beliefs are physical. A thought held long enough and repeated enough becomes a belief. The belief then becomes biology.” - Marilyn Van Derbur -

My parents did have an opportunity to learn how to read and write, so they could have chosen a better life for themselves and their children. However, they decided otherwise, so I ended up assiting them a lot as I was the oldest. I didn’t know that by helping them with their inability to read and write, I would keep them limited and in the process limit myself.

I have been rebelling against my fears and limitations for a long time now, and I have come a long way. The life I have built for myself is amazing, I’m endlessly growing and I have let go of so much negativity with the remaining still a work in progress. Most of the limited thinking imposed on me when I was a child has gone and I have no doubt the rest will go in time.

Years of mental confinement, the absence of love and emotional support can be damaging to your self-esteem. It is important to bounce back and kiss goodbye to your negative past and open your mind to the possibilities of a blissful future. I used to wish for a different upbringing but not anymore because without this limited start I wouldn’t have become the person I am today - a free thinker with irrepressible ambition to succeed.

SOOTH YOUR WOUNDS AND UNLOCK YOUR FUTURE!

READ NEXT: Panic attacks/anxiety

INDIA THROUGH THE EYES OF ANON - "Guest post by ANON"

"One can become a strange mixture of East and West, out of place everywhere, at home nowhere; or being still oneself, one can learn to find oneself ‘in place’ anywhere and ‘at home’ everywhere, in the profoundest sense a citizen of the world". - A.K Coomaraswamy. -

I recently returned from a three month trip in India. As an Indian brought up in England, I have always been encouraged to have a voice, to have a career of my own and to be my own person. So for me, when I go back to India and see the life that women have to subscribe to, I can’t help thinking how different their life and choices are. Perhaps the word I am looking for is limited. And so I am going to illustrate this point with two examples of real-life situations. 

The first example involves a young lady. Let us call her Anjali. Anjali is a bright, articulate young lady. She has had all the privileges of a middle class upbringing in India and even completed her Masters degree overseas in Australia. She can speak at least three languages fluently and her spoken English is so clear and grammatically correct, one hardly notices her Indian accent.

Now Anjali is quite capable of working and is encouraged to work in professions such as IT or the family business. At home, Anjali excels in many hobbies which she loves such as needlework, classical music or dance.

She is in fact an all-rounder. She loves her fashion, she’s constantly on WhatsApp, Facebook and Instagram and has a “real joie de vivre”. Of course Anjali is free to socialise and go out, go to movies, have dinner with friends but it is very unusual for her to go out on her own, and one would certainly never see Anjali hanging out with a boy. (I am not saying people in India don’t date, of course they do, but lets’ say they do it in a more discrete manner. For example, you very rarely see couples holding hands – the beach may be the only exception where this is seen – you certainly don’t see people kissing in public and in a nightclub it is highly unlikely that you would get some drunken, sweaty-faced guy who grabs you on the dance floor and lunges at you in the hope that your lips might lock!).

As Anjali approaches her mid to late 20s, she knows it will soon be time for her to get married. Her husband to-be is chosen by a word-of-mouth, a carefully researched, pre-selection process by her parents and extended family.

Anjali may be told she has the final say but the reality is that the pre-chosen match is the husband for her. And then comes the marriage. In some cases, the husband may be happy for her to continue working but in other cases, the husband may expect her to give up work, which Anjali will have to comply with, if the marriage is to be successful. And then the young married couple are very much expected to have a child within the first year of marriage – I know this for a fact because from my cousins who have all been married in the last ten years or so, contraception is not advised and in some cases forbidden. So what, I ask myself is the point in giving Indian girls a decent education, sending them abroad for further studies, only to encourage them and subscribe them to a marriage where they are taught to accept that the husband’s choice, his say: to accept that he is King? What happened to the Queen? The second example involves a young woman, which we will call Suetha. So Suetha got married to a very handsome, professional young man. Yes, her parents had chosen him as a suitable partner for her: all was good. They had three beautiful children together. All was going well. Suetha was absolutely devoted to her husband and family. They lived in a fabulous house, had lots of friends and generally were very happy together. 

But then after 20 years of marriage, her husband had an affair. This affair went on for many years. Suetha felt helpless. She could not really divorce him, because her main concern, living in a traditional Indian society, was that she wanted to get her children married and well settled in good families and she knew she would not be able to do that if she was a divorcee: it would reflect badly on her and on her family. In essence, her standing in the community would be tarnished. 

So Suetha decided to take no action and waited in the hope that her husband would ‘return’ to her. The husband in the meanwhile, became so brazen about the affair that he actually moved out of home, bought a new house with the mistress, who by the way, knew he was married with three children, and essentially lived with her as man and wife for about five years. The husband told his wife that the mistress ‘brought light into his life’.

Suetha decided to speak to her in-laws, in the hope that he could be persuaded to see sense and return home. Suetha was told by her father-in-law that her husband, his son, could do as he pleased. Suetha was expected to put-up and shut-up. Eventually, after some more ‘talking’ between the in-laws, the husband and Suetha, the husband did eventually decide to return home. He realised he missed his wife and children and ‘could not live without them’. However, before he returned home, Suetha was made to ask her parents-in-laws for forgiveness! Quite remarkable! For the sake of her children, Suetha did this. 

The family are now back together. It has not been a straightforward journey but they are a family once again, living under the same roof. It is not for me to comment on whether Suetha was right or wrong in her course of action. But what I do want to say is that the in-laws are the most hypocritical people on the planet. It seems that Indian society always blames the woman for a failing marriage. Period.

So, while the rest of the Western world is demanding that women should have equal pay in the workplace. I say that in India, women should have EQUAL place in the home and in a marriage.

ANON.


READ NEXT: WOMEN. Why can't a woman be equal to a man?

FAMILY

Having issues with your family? Feeling misunderstood? Well, the good news is you're not alone; these problems affect millions of people globally. Dysfunctional families are a problem that keeps repeating through history and the result is broken and lost people everywhere.

I believe the answer to family issues is not to focus on the importance of blood ties as they simply mean you're related, related by physical appearance and genetics. The real ties that will keep you united are the love and respect you have for each other - family should be a synonym for LOVE. Without unconditional love for each other you cannot be a true family - you are simply coexisting, tolerating each other and keeping the peace.

You can read many disturbing stories online of people pouring their hearts out in the hope that someone can offer comfort. The repeating theme is unloving parents and siblings, but there is hope, as happy families with loving and balanced parents do exist. Society needs to focus on these people as raising balanced and loving children is crucial for our future. We must stop making broken children, some will survive their traumatic childhood and prosper, but others will have a lifetime of sadness and mental distress affecting everyone around them.

"All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair." - Mitch Albom -

Someone that I love dearly, once said: “They are two types of families: loving or broken, whether you get one or the other is pure luck".

No one knows how this randomness works, but we should understand one thing, it isn’t because you're related that you'll automatically understand and accept one another. You are a unique person with your own aspirations and dreams; it's your parents' obligation to teach you values, discipline, respect and love, so that in turn you can affect others in a positive way.

"The bond that links your true family is not of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life." - Richard Bach

We're all unique with different aspirations for our lives and different ideas about happiness. The only way to avoid arguments is to accept that we are all different, and to refrain from saying hurtful things. We should respect that everyone will make decisions according to their life choices, and we should LOVE each other unconditionally. It’s impossible to be a family without love, let alone a happy one.

Children learn most things from their parents, they start life as a blank canvas eager to learn and achieve. This is where most of the problems start; too many parents neglect their duty towards their children and forget to give them the most valuable gifts of all – LOVE and good values.

They are so many possible ways a family can fall apart. A lack of love, a lack of inter-generational, empathy, a rejection of traditions or faith. Some families have poor moral values, expectations and wealth, and others are dysfunctional with responsibility, casually blame each other, or worse, casually abuse each other with words and violence. Often, there is a lack of respect for each other's lifestyle choices whether that be sexual orientation or anything else.

For the most part our parents have done their best, even if many have done a shocking job. It was perhaps the best they could do. We all think they could have done more simply by saying – “sorry”, or – “I love you”, but what has been done is now gone and cannot be undone. 

If we take a step back into the past, we all know that our parents also had parents and it is most certain that somehow, they have repeated history. If a person was abused by their parents then they in turn will view that behaviour as acceptable, unless they're strong enough to break the cycle and start a new one based on happiness and LOVE.

It's the same for parents who cannot express their love, some can't even say “I love you”. They probably never heard it from their parents, so they don’t know how important it is, or how it even feels. An empty “I love you” is worth nothing, the weight of emotion must come with the words.

If you’re not on great terms with your family, then a distant relationship might be a good option. It's not selfish to keep yourself sane and it might help you deal with the situation. Once you have exhausted all your options, doing nothing is the best answer. Avoid conflict and stay happy. Remember, you are not responsible for your family’s reckless choices in life. We are all responsible for our own happiness and our own actions and mistakes. Be happy with your life without seeking approval. You can love your family without being constantly a part of their lives, especially if they bring you anger and sadness. They may lead a successful life or a chaotic one, but whichever it is, life will teach them important lessons along the way - wish them well and try not to judge them.

Live the life you want. Time is magical and can heal past wounds so give it time. Don’t poke the fire while it's still burning.

I dedicate this post my beautiful friend of 17 years and my wonderful fiancé. They have both proven that it isn’t blood ties that makes you family but the love and respect you have for each other. Unconditional love, support, forgiveness and an unrelenting commitment to make it work.

LOVE IS A TWO WAY STREET; IT MUST FLOW NATURALLY BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE, AS JUST ONE WAY IS SIMPLY HOPELESS.

READ NEXT: Moving Abroad 

HONESTY

Being honest is the only way to be. However, in our time so many people feel the need to massage the truth to get out of difficult situations or make themselves more interesting. 

Why not make truth a reliable constant? I believe the problem lies in our nurture and the influence we have on each other. If we have been influenced by irresponsible people who lied their way through life, instinctively we will behave in the same way and believe it is normal to lie. Sometimes lying is motivated by fear, a fear of judgment or conflict, and sometimes lying seems to be the best option rather than saying things as they are. 

 “If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.” - Mark Twain -

Honesty is a great quality and an essential quality for an ethical person. However, there are times when silence should eclipse honesty. We’ve all been in a situation where we would rather avoid telling the truth to a friend, family or co-worker to avoid drama or hurting someone’s feelings. I believe there is no need to lie, either find a way to express the truth compassionately, or keep silent and remove yourself from the conversation. You can always take time to consider your thoughts and emotions and you will often get another opportunity to express what you want to say. Silence is often the wisest move and can speak much louder than words.

“I believe that it is better to tell the truth than a lie. I believe it is better to be free than to be a slave. And I believe it is better to know than to be ignorant.” - H. L. Mencken -

To be truly honest we must first be honest with ourselves. Often we hide from our own reality - so how then can we project our true-self to others? Being confident and at peace with who we are and our life experience is essential to be genuine. 

“Goodness is about character - integrity, honesty, kindness, generosity, moral courage, and the like. More than anything else, it is about how we treat other people.” - Dennis Prager –

You are responsible for your own truthfulness, but how others respond to it is out of your control. If you feel like you have to lie to someone then that person doesn’t know who you are and you don’t really value them. The act of lying is often justified by the fear of their reaction. When you are valued, loved and respected, the person will not only appreciate your honesty but also your loyalty. Everyone has lied and it never feels right… because in reality we are lying to ourselves about who we are, how we are perceived and the importance of truth. Continual dishonesty has a huge impact on our self-image, confidence and relationships with other people.

Before you speak, let your words pass through three gates.  At the first gate, ask yourself, ‘Is it true?’ At the second ask, ‘Is it necessary?’At the third gate ask ‘Is it kind? ~ Sufi Saying.

Being dishonest has consequences, some minor and others quite serious. You are responsible for what comes out of your mouth so if you can measure your words, the action of wisdom will be reflected in your life so assess the situation, think and then act. If your words have passed these three gates then the consequences of speaking the truth will be worth it.

BEING HONEST, YOU HAVE TO LIVE WITH YOURSELF EVERYDAY.

READ NEXT: Reading why is it important?