‘FAMILY’ - RETHOUGHT

We are all the products of our environment. Our early conditioning at home has a huge impact on who we become, and the people we grow up with will impact our lives in a way that no one else can. We will absorb their way of dealing with stress, their daily routines, their political views, their spiritual belief, and their social behaviours. That said, many choose to recondition their mind at a later stage in life, especially if their upbringing doesn't align with their true-self. They will either rebel, or learn a new way of life, but the old conditioning cannot be completely cut from their mind, it will remain in some way!

“I was angry and frustrated until I started my own family and my first child was born. Until then I didn’t really appreciate life the way I should have, but fortunately I woke up.” 
- Johnny Depp -

EXPECTATIONS:

There are heavy expectations when it comes to family, often movies and commercials portray family as loving and respecting one another, supporting each other’s dreams and ambitions, a picture of perfect harmony despite the differences in personalities and ambitions! 

Happy families do exist, but perfect families are simply a MYTH! Every single family on the planet has problems, ranging from mild disagreements to abusive behaviour, and sadly even barbarity! I believe we need to redefine the word ‘FAMILY’ to improve our lives, and the lives of families that come after ours. 

We must all understand that parents are just people with their own problems. Gratefully, some are more enlightened than others, but they all still have issues and fears. They are not gods, or wizards with magic wands, they don’t have answers to all our problems, especially if they grew up with limitations and fears themselves! They too come from another unit with their unique story! We must accept that sharing DNA with another person does not make us exactly the same or confer ownership of them. The true duties of family members towards each another are love and support, if they can manage it! Many cannot as they have not received it themselves and this is where many problems start. Think about it for a minute, if you’ve never been loved, guided or encouraged, how could you then pass that onto others? You cannot love if you don’t have love for yourself first!

CONSEQUENCES: 
Many people by the age of 40 will give up on their physical, emotional and mental health, barely thinking of their spiritual needs. They’ll fall onto a limited path, following the limitations of their negative mindset and experiences, without ever finding a way out. 

“A family is a place where minds come in contact with one another.”

- Buddha -

BALANCE:

The main reasons why people cannot get better are the absence of self-belief for self-healing, and the lack of enriching experiences for personal growth. The cycle of broken people repeats itself, recycling negative childhoods for the next generation. The statistics show problems with children who have grown up with fear; poor self-esteem; inability to self-heal; poor education; absence of love; and physical or mental abuse. They all sadly struggle to cope with life as they grow older as they have no foundations to fall upon when faced with the harsh moments of life. Strong foundations are vital to become a balanced individual, so we should hope this truth becomes a reality for future generations to come.

TEACHING: 

Love, kindness, compassion and perseverance must be taught from childhood. We’ve all been taught to treat a cut on our finger with antiseptic and a plaster to help it heal. But, the internal scars and bruises as we grow up have never been spoken of, never healed, never dealt with. Once the child becomes an adult, if the healing of these hurts have not been dealt with, he or she becomes a monumental emotional mess, often angry, negative, misunderstood or anti-social, and unable to reach enlightenment which is the ultimate development of one's inner potential as a human being.

“Everyone needs a house to live in, but a supportive family is what builds a home.” 
- Anthony Liccione -

ESCAPISM:

Unfortunately, we live in a society where no one has time to listen, to feel, or to understand. Instead we seek advice from our friends Jack Daniels or Bud Weiser, and they usually sooth us with some temporary escapism. Others prefer to lose themselves to chemical oblivion, but the return to reality is much harsher, and often dangerous or addictive! They are all soothing  temporarily but they don’t really heal anything. They just keep you numb stealing the sensation of being alive! When you wake up, the problem, the pain or whatever you are attempting to escape from is still there. 

WE ALL HAVE FAMILY PROBLEMS: 

Every single one of us has family issues, from the small and insignificant to genuinely painful situations. But now more than ever it is time to heal our bodies, spirits and minds, we all have what it takes to decide that we’re no longer victims of our experiences and to aim for a brighter life.

We must stop making broken people. The next generations must be raised with love, balance, knowledge and education, but also with a deep understanding of themselves through learning about their own emotions. Teaching mindfulness will help the next generation benefit from controlling their thoughts.

Family feuds have damaged minds and broke many hearts! We are all born into families, but before we call it family, we must learn how to respect each others life choices, beliefs and to make allowances for each other’s faults. I’m not saying that will be easy(!), but we must believe it is possible to take the first step! For many there is a reasonable chance to make amends with your family and find love.

However, some families are beyond repair as no love is present. Protecting our happiness from those who haven’t learnt from their life journey is essential as we are all here to experience our own lives in the most blissful way.

“The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” 
- Henry Ward Beecher -

LET’S CREATE FAMILIES WITH BEAUTIFUL VALUES AND LOVE, 
FOR A BETTER FUTURE AND WORLD.

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FAMILY

Having issues with your family? Feeling misunderstood? Well, the good news is you're not alone; these problems affect millions of people globally. Dysfunctional families are a problem that keeps repeating through history and the result is broken and lost people everywhere.

I believe the answer to family issues is not to focus on the importance of blood ties as they simply mean you're related, related by physical appearance and genetics. The real ties that will keep you united are the love and respect you have for each other - family should be a synonym for LOVE. Without unconditional love for each other you cannot be a true family - you are simply coexisting, tolerating each other and keeping the peace.

You can read many disturbing stories online of people pouring their hearts out in the hope that someone can offer comfort. The repeating theme is unloving parents and siblings, but there is hope, as happy families with loving and balanced parents do exist. Society needs to focus on these people as raising balanced and loving children is crucial for our future. We must stop making broken children, some will survive their traumatic childhood and prosper, but others will have a lifetime of sadness and mental distress affecting everyone around them.

"All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair." - Mitch Albom -

Someone that I love dearly, once said: “They are two types of families: loving or broken, whether you get one or the other is pure luck".

No one knows how this randomness works, but we should understand one thing, it isn’t because you're related that you'll automatically understand and accept one another. You are a unique person with your own aspirations and dreams; it's your parents' obligation to teach you values, discipline, respect and love, so that in turn you can affect others in a positive way.

"The bond that links your true family is not of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life." - Richard Bach

We're all unique with different aspirations for our lives and different ideas about happiness. The only way to avoid arguments is to accept that we are all different, and to refrain from saying hurtful things. We should respect that everyone will make decisions according to their life choices, and we should LOVE each other unconditionally. It’s impossible to be a family without love, let alone a happy one.

Children learn most things from their parents, they start life as a blank canvas eager to learn and achieve. This is where most of the problems start; too many parents neglect their duty towards their children and forget to give them the most valuable gifts of all – LOVE and good values.

They are so many possible ways a family can fall apart. A lack of love, a lack of inter-generational, empathy, a rejection of traditions or faith. Some families have poor moral values, expectations and wealth, and others are dysfunctional with responsibility, casually blame each other, or worse, casually abuse each other with words and violence. Often, there is a lack of respect for each other's lifestyle choices whether that be sexual orientation or anything else.

For the most part our parents have done their best, even if many have done a shocking job. It was perhaps the best they could do. We all think they could have done more simply by saying – “sorry”, or – “I love you”, but what has been done is now gone and cannot be undone. 

If we take a step back into the past, we all know that our parents also had parents and it is most certain that somehow, they have repeated history. If a person was abused by their parents then they in turn will view that behaviour as acceptable, unless they're strong enough to break the cycle and start a new one based on happiness and LOVE.

It's the same for parents who cannot express their love, some can't even say “I love you”. They probably never heard it from their parents, so they don’t know how important it is, or how it even feels. An empty “I love you” is worth nothing, the weight of emotion must come with the words.

If you’re not on great terms with your family, then a distant relationship might be a good option. It's not selfish to keep yourself sane and it might help you deal with the situation. Once you have exhausted all your options, doing nothing is the best answer. Avoid conflict and stay happy. Remember, you are not responsible for your family’s reckless choices in life. We are all responsible for our own happiness and our own actions and mistakes. Be happy with your life without seeking approval. You can love your family without being constantly a part of their lives, especially if they bring you anger and sadness. They may lead a successful life or a chaotic one, but whichever it is, life will teach them important lessons along the way - wish them well and try not to judge them.

Live the life you want. Time is magical and can heal past wounds so give it time. Don’t poke the fire while it's still burning.

I dedicate this post my beautiful friend of 17 years and my wonderful fiancé. They have both proven that it isn’t blood ties that makes you family but the love and respect you have for each other. Unconditional love, support, forgiveness and an unrelenting commitment to make it work.

LOVE IS A TWO WAY STREET; IT MUST FLOW NATURALLY BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE, AS JUST ONE WAY IS SIMPLY HOPELESS.

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