FAMILY

Having issues with your family? Feeling misunderstood? Well, the good news is you're not alone; these problems affect millions of people globally. Dysfunctional families are a problem that keeps repeating through history and the result is broken and lost people everywhere.

I believe the answer to family issues is not to focus on the importance of blood ties as they simply mean you're related, related by physical appearance and genetics. The real ties that will keep you united are the love and respect you have for each other - family should be a synonym for LOVE. Without unconditional love for each other you cannot be a true family - you are simply coexisting, tolerating each other and keeping the peace.

You can read many disturbing stories online of people pouring their hearts out in the hope that someone can offer comfort. The repeating theme is unloving parents and siblings, but there is hope, as happy families with loving and balanced parents do exist. Society needs to focus on these people as raising balanced and loving children is crucial for our future. We must stop making broken children, some will survive their traumatic childhood and prosper, but others will have a lifetime of sadness and mental distress affecting everyone around them.

"All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair." - Mitch Albom -

Someone that I love dearly, once said: “They are two types of families: loving or broken, whether you get one or the other is pure luck".

No one knows how this randomness works, but we should understand one thing, it isn’t because you're related that you'll automatically understand and accept one another. You are a unique person with your own aspirations and dreams; it's your parents' obligation to teach you values, discipline, respect and love, so that in turn you can affect others in a positive way.

"The bond that links your true family is not of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life." - Richard Bach

We're all unique with different aspirations for our lives and different ideas about happiness. The only way to avoid arguments is to accept that we are all different, and to refrain from saying hurtful things. We should respect that everyone will make decisions according to their life choices, and we should LOVE each other unconditionally. It’s impossible to be a family without love, let alone a happy one.

Children learn most things from their parents, they start life as a blank canvas eager to learn and achieve. This is where most of the problems start; too many parents neglect their duty towards their children and forget to give them the most valuable gifts of all – LOVE and good values.

They are so many possible ways a family can fall apart. A lack of love, a lack of inter-generational, empathy, a rejection of traditions or faith. Some families have poor moral values, expectations and wealth, and others are dysfunctional with responsibility, casually blame each other, or worse, casually abuse each other with words and violence. Often, there is a lack of respect for each other's lifestyle choices whether that be sexual orientation or anything else.

For the most part our parents have done their best, even if many have done a shocking job. It was perhaps the best they could do. We all think they could have done more simply by saying – “sorry”, or – “I love you”, but what has been done is now gone and cannot be undone. 

If we take a step back into the past, we all know that our parents also had parents and it is most certain that somehow, they have repeated history. If a person was abused by their parents then they in turn will view that behaviour as acceptable, unless they're strong enough to break the cycle and start a new one based on happiness and LOVE.

It's the same for parents who cannot express their love, some can't even say “I love you”. They probably never heard it from their parents, so they don’t know how important it is, or how it even feels. An empty “I love you” is worth nothing, the weight of emotion must come with the words.

If you’re not on great terms with your family, then a distant relationship might be a good option. It's not selfish to keep yourself sane and it might help you deal with the situation. Once you have exhausted all your options, doing nothing is the best answer. Avoid conflict and stay happy. Remember, you are not responsible for your family’s reckless choices in life. We are all responsible for our own happiness and our own actions and mistakes. Be happy with your life without seeking approval. You can love your family without being constantly a part of their lives, especially if they bring you anger and sadness. They may lead a successful life or a chaotic one, but whichever it is, life will teach them important lessons along the way - wish them well and try not to judge them.

Live the life you want. Time is magical and can heal past wounds so give it time. Don’t poke the fire while it's still burning.

I dedicate this post my beautiful friend of 17 years and my wonderful fiancé. They have both proven that it isn’t blood ties that makes you family but the love and respect you have for each other. Unconditional love, support, forgiveness and an unrelenting commitment to make it work.

LOVE IS A TWO WAY STREET; IT MUST FLOW NATURALLY BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE, AS JUST ONE WAY IS SIMPLY HOPELESS.

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