We have all experienced this limiting fear, where we impose restrictions on ourselves because we give so much importance to what other people may think of us and the decisions we make. We hope that our choices will be validated by the world. I describe this as self-betrayal! I believe the reason why it’s such an engrained habit is because everyone judges each other, and this has been passed down to us since the beginning of civilisation. It goes for our physical appearance, our lifestyles, our beliefs and our social status.
We must teach ourselves not to judge one another, or at least to reserve judgment, as we are all unique and we experience life differently. All we need to do is teach one generation to live and let live and then we will embrace this new way of life.
“I feel like when people judge me they're not judging me, because they don't know who I am.” - Gisele Bundchen -
By seeking validation of our choices we give people power to influence us in line with their lives and their choices, so we end up validating them. Instead of shining through our true self, we chose to suppress our reality and become a copy of someone else, who in turn is probably a copy of someone else and so on.
Why such a deep desire to be validated all the time, you may ask? Well, I believe it comes from trying too hard to conform to our rigid society and our childhood conditioning. If a child isn’t given enough freedom of choice and isn’t taught to be his own person, the dependence on being validated in his adult life will remain. Another factor is the fear of being alone. If we don’t conform to others and their decisions we fear their rejection and that we might end up lonely.
I believe we are getting confused between being inspired by someone and becoming that person. Surrounding ourselves with positive, intelligent, ambitious and open minded people is a must in order to learn and excel at life, but everyone is different so remember to get inspired but stay genuine.
-“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It’s not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.-”- Nelson Mandela -
There is another essential quality to stand out from the crowd and never give too much importance to what others’ think - and that’s confidence. It plays a crucial role in mastering self-validation because if our minds are always doubtful and pessimistic, making choices that impact our lives will be difficult as our judgement will be clouded. Most of us are afraid to make mistakes, but how then do we learn? We have to make choices and learn from those experiences.
We are the scientists of our own lives.
We conduct experiments all the time without even knowing it, and we have our own theories and evidence on what works for us. Don’t be imprisoned by others’ thoughts, as what they think of you and your life experience is their problem. By being wholly you, you will naturally attract people who won’t judge you by simply love you for all that you are. These people are most likely to help you excel in life and support you to become the best you that you can be!
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