WHAT ON EARTH ARE WE HERE FOR?

The question on everyone’s mind is - where do we come from and why are we here?  We are born and raised by people we relate to as family.  They pass on their knowledge, experience, fears, love, limitations and motivations. We inherit a nationality and we learn a language; we’re indoctrinated with values and beliefs and introduced to traditions. In theory, all of this is supposed to define us, but it’s an identity we’ll eventually question as we make our way through life. 

One extraordinary realisation is that we are living on a planet in a small solar system, that is part of a continually expanding universe. The universe is 14 billion years old and is so large that some of the stars in the sky may have died already with their light only just reaching us.  The most distant object we have detected so far is an early galaxy over 13 billion light years away. And, to understand something this large we need to study the quantum-scale building blocks of life that are so very small like photons, electrons and quarks.  It’s astonishing that we live on the only planet we have found that’s created life through a perfect relationship with our most vital star – the sun.

200,000 years of humanity and we still don’t know where we come from or why we’re here.  I believe we are not supposed to know.  We’re told by ancient books and manuscripts about an omniscient, omnipresent force with infinite power that has created us, but there is no proof or even sign of this divine existence.  Perhaps the silence is intentional to give us freewill, the freedom to believe whatever we choose. Out of nothing we have created myriad ways of living and our society has evolved throughout recorded history, from primitive to post-modern in 200,000 years by simply following our instincts, using our intelligence and building on our humanity.  We are currently seven billion strong (excluding our friends from the animal kingdom) and we have done extremely well at exploring the greatest ways to live well; however we still have work to do before we have a world that is truly united.

Still today, we let the colour of our skin, faith, tradition, class, gender, lifestyle choices, physical appearance and nationalities divide us.  Despite our progress and the effort of many good people to bring peace and fairness these inequalities remain.  We need to collectively meditate on the fact that what defines us isn't physical but spiritual -  our inner being. 

Our planet holds such diversity and possibility.  We have an infinite wealth of knowledge about our past and present and yet we still repeat the mistakes of history time and time again.  We forget the lessons from our past and eagerly continue the vicious chain of wars, violence and fear, which always leads to limitation and sorrow.  

Some governments thirst for power and money, ruled by corruption to sustain wars and conflict to keep the world divided and business profitable.  We disrespect our soil and oceans by using them as dumping grounds for destructive waste, killing wildlife and poisoning the world that sustains us. Our media spreads fear and highlights negativity instead of reminding us about human kindness and the profound beauty of our world.  And, contrary to news reports there is much more love than fear in our world.

To escape from our responsibilities and harsh realities, we have created entertainment. If we’re still struggling to escape from bad decisions, soul searching or depression then alcohol and recreational drugs become our friends to ease the pain and numb our minds of fear.  Work without passion has become the norm in exchange for financial freedom. Materialism and consumerism have become primary, leaving little room for simplicity, love and authenticity.

'We are still quite primitive despite our best efforts to make our lives better.  We’ve focused on improving our physical environment by investing in technology and civic institutions, but all of this is just one part of being human.'

We must now, more than ever focus on developing what’s inside all of us and seek to understand our gifted minds and the message in our hearts to unlock our human potential.  Many people are flourishing and have achieved incredible things in life, so what separate us from these people?  One important thing they appreciate is their internal resources - they understand their own mind and the extent of their abilities. They see every opportunity that life has to offer.  You limit yourself by believing that only a tiny percentage of people are destined to live well.

It is clear that the universe is under no obligation to answer any of our questions about our existence and how to live our lives.  But, since we are here and have free will, why not find a way to live in peace.  Why not accept that we’re all different, that we believe in different things, and that we have different ambitions.  We have written our story for 200 000 years now and we won't stop unless the universe decides to end us like the dinosaurs. Let's learn from the mistakes of our ancestors and create a world where everyone is welcome and loved. Unity should be our ultimate goal!

LIVE IN THE PRESENT MOMENT, WHERE YOU HAVE FULL CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE - THAT’S WHAT I BELIEVE OUR PURPOSE IS.

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OUR TRAUMATIC CHILDHOODS

So many of our fears and limitations were passed onto us by our parents and the life path they set us on. We all have those moments from our past that are very vivid, moments where our first fears were born and marked us forever. Unfortunately, these fears are still influencing our lives today and limiting us from achieving our full potential.

“Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different.” 
- Oprah Winfrey - 

It doesn't matter what type of life you were born with, or how you were brought up. The key is to keep only the positive from your upbringing such as love, a keen sense of self-worth and anything else that makes your life better and happier. Remove any limitations and negativities from your mind, you can rewrite your approach to life - It is what I did!

I have encountered so many people who were filled with fear and limitations from their childhood. They were unable to assess their situation and treat the source of their anxiety; they hadn’t realised their fear is derived from a past event or conflict. When a parent leaves home it is common to develop a fear of abandonment and guilt; if you were continuously told that you were not good enough you could have easily developed low-self-esteem; or if you were bullied at school for being different, you can easily develop a fear of rejection. Where you lack love from your parents it can be difficult to love and respect yourself. I had so many fears from my childhood and my parents, but I knew that one day I would overcome them all and succeed.

“The conflict between the will to deny horrible events and 
the will to proclaim them aloud is the central dialectic 
of psychological trauma.” 
- Judith Lewis Herman, Trauma and Recovery -

Whatever your upbringing, nurture your inner-child and accept the traumatic experiences from your childhood. If there were many negative experiences, try to cast your mind back and assure your younger-self that you are capable of so much. If you lacked care and love, go back and give yourself the love, it is so important for your survival. If you were told that you were not good enough to succeed, go back and tell yourself anything is possible, you are as worthy of success as anyone else. Go back to your traumatic experiences and heal your wounds, once you've healed your inner child you will unleash an incredible power within you. You'll have the confidence and love you need to move forward. You'll understand your fears and where they came from so you can stand up to them or let them go.

I come from a limited family; both of my parents were immigrants from North Africa who were born into farming families and unfortunately both illiterate. Their childhoods were characterised by poverty and religion.

My siblings and I were raised in France on social benefits and sadly my father left home in my early teens. Being poor and uneducated is a big handicap to enjoyment of life, but if your home becomes an unhappy place then your childhood can really become traumatic. Thankfully, I had amazing friends that I spend most of my time with, they and their families showed me the value of respect and love.

“If your body is screaming in pain, whether the pain is muscular contractions, anxiety, depression, asthma or arthritis, a first step in releasing the pain may be making the connection between your body pain and the cause. “Beliefs are physical. A thought held long enough and repeated enough becomes a belief. The belief then becomes biology.” - Marilyn Van Derbur -

My parents did have an opportunity to learn how to read and write, so they could have chosen a better life for themselves and their children. However, they decided otherwise, so I ended up assiting them a lot as I was the oldest. I didn’t know that by helping them with their inability to read and write, I would keep them limited and in the process limit myself.

I have been rebelling against my fears and limitations for a long time now, and I have come a long way. The life I have built for myself is amazing, I’m endlessly growing and I have let go of so much negativity with the remaining still a work in progress. Most of the limited thinking imposed on me when I was a child has gone and I have no doubt the rest will go in time.

Years of mental confinement, the absence of love and emotional support can be damaging to your self-esteem. It is important to bounce back and kiss goodbye to your negative past and open your mind to the possibilities of a blissful future. I used to wish for a different upbringing but not anymore because without this limited start I wouldn’t have become the person I am today - a free thinker with irrepressible ambition to succeed.

SOOTH YOUR WOUNDS AND UNLOCK YOUR FUTURE!

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INDIA THROUGH THE EYES OF ANON - "Guest post by ANON"

"One can become a strange mixture of East and West, out of place everywhere, at home nowhere; or being still oneself, one can learn to find oneself ‘in place’ anywhere and ‘at home’ everywhere, in the profoundest sense a citizen of the world". - A.K Coomaraswamy. -

I recently returned from a three month trip in India. As an Indian brought up in England, I have always been encouraged to have a voice, to have a career of my own and to be my own person. So for me, when I go back to India and see the life that women have to subscribe to, I can’t help thinking how different their life and choices are. Perhaps the word I am looking for is limited. And so I am going to illustrate this point with two examples of real-life situations. 

The first example involves a young lady. Let us call her Anjali. Anjali is a bright, articulate young lady. She has had all the privileges of a middle class upbringing in India and even completed her Masters degree overseas in Australia. She can speak at least three languages fluently and her spoken English is so clear and grammatically correct, one hardly notices her Indian accent.

Now Anjali is quite capable of working and is encouraged to work in professions such as IT or the family business. At home, Anjali excels in many hobbies which she loves such as needlework, classical music or dance.

She is in fact an all-rounder. She loves her fashion, she’s constantly on WhatsApp, Facebook and Instagram and has a “real joie de vivre”. Of course Anjali is free to socialise and go out, go to movies, have dinner with friends but it is very unusual for her to go out on her own, and one would certainly never see Anjali hanging out with a boy. (I am not saying people in India don’t date, of course they do, but lets’ say they do it in a more discrete manner. For example, you very rarely see couples holding hands – the beach may be the only exception where this is seen – you certainly don’t see people kissing in public and in a nightclub it is highly unlikely that you would get some drunken, sweaty-faced guy who grabs you on the dance floor and lunges at you in the hope that your lips might lock!).

As Anjali approaches her mid to late 20s, she knows it will soon be time for her to get married. Her husband to-be is chosen by a word-of-mouth, a carefully researched, pre-selection process by her parents and extended family.

Anjali may be told she has the final say but the reality is that the pre-chosen match is the husband for her. And then comes the marriage. In some cases, the husband may be happy for her to continue working but in other cases, the husband may expect her to give up work, which Anjali will have to comply with, if the marriage is to be successful. And then the young married couple are very much expected to have a child within the first year of marriage – I know this for a fact because from my cousins who have all been married in the last ten years or so, contraception is not advised and in some cases forbidden. So what, I ask myself is the point in giving Indian girls a decent education, sending them abroad for further studies, only to encourage them and subscribe them to a marriage where they are taught to accept that the husband’s choice, his say: to accept that he is King? What happened to the Queen? The second example involves a young woman, which we will call Suetha. So Suetha got married to a very handsome, professional young man. Yes, her parents had chosen him as a suitable partner for her: all was good. They had three beautiful children together. All was going well. Suetha was absolutely devoted to her husband and family. They lived in a fabulous house, had lots of friends and generally were very happy together. 

But then after 20 years of marriage, her husband had an affair. This affair went on for many years. Suetha felt helpless. She could not really divorce him, because her main concern, living in a traditional Indian society, was that she wanted to get her children married and well settled in good families and she knew she would not be able to do that if she was a divorcee: it would reflect badly on her and on her family. In essence, her standing in the community would be tarnished. 

So Suetha decided to take no action and waited in the hope that her husband would ‘return’ to her. The husband in the meanwhile, became so brazen about the affair that he actually moved out of home, bought a new house with the mistress, who by the way, knew he was married with three children, and essentially lived with her as man and wife for about five years. The husband told his wife that the mistress ‘brought light into his life’.

Suetha decided to speak to her in-laws, in the hope that he could be persuaded to see sense and return home. Suetha was told by her father-in-law that her husband, his son, could do as he pleased. Suetha was expected to put-up and shut-up. Eventually, after some more ‘talking’ between the in-laws, the husband and Suetha, the husband did eventually decide to return home. He realised he missed his wife and children and ‘could not live without them’. However, before he returned home, Suetha was made to ask her parents-in-laws for forgiveness! Quite remarkable! For the sake of her children, Suetha did this. 

The family are now back together. It has not been a straightforward journey but they are a family once again, living under the same roof. It is not for me to comment on whether Suetha was right or wrong in her course of action. But what I do want to say is that the in-laws are the most hypocritical people on the planet. It seems that Indian society always blames the woman for a failing marriage. Period.

So, while the rest of the Western world is demanding that women should have equal pay in the workplace. I say that in India, women should have EQUAL place in the home and in a marriage.

ANON.


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PATIENCE REALLY IS A VIRTUE.

It’s a human obsession to want everything immediately, we are racing against time, but time is only an illusion created by man.  Rushing things in life will only bring disappointment or where it produces results, just a shadow of what is possible.   "Time is an illusion". – ALBERT EINSTEIN -

Think about when you boil the kettle to make tea.  If you don't wait for the water to finish boiling - it won't be warm and you won’t enjoy a flavourful cup of tea.  Each goal will take place in its own time.  Some may become reality faster than others; it just depends on how much needs to be done to make it happen.  Many goals require a complete change of lifestyle and others, years of training, or relocation, however it’s not only a question of waiting but also maintaining a good attitude.  Becoming successful is a privilege and must be earned.  It’s not something that we deserve because we had a hard life or because we were born with less than others.

“The timeless in you is aware of life’s timelessness. And knows that yesterday is but today’s memory and tomorrow is today’s dream.” - KHALIL GIBRAN -

Having dreams is important, planning and putting things into action is part of the process, but stepping back once in a while will enable you to jump further.  Starting a business or a new career will take time to yield the success you crave.  Becoming successful in just a few months is unrealistic as it takes time to build, like a wall, one brick at the time.  It’s why so many people give up before seeing results and swiftly return to their comfort zone.  If you don't give time to time, you'll only receive a little.  Be patient with a positive attitude and believe that all your hard work and sacrifice will be rewarded one day and it will materialise before your eyes; probably when you expect it the least; your harvest time will come.

“You can have it all. Just not all at once.” – OPRAH WINFREY – 

Patience is virtuous in other ways too.  It has the power to heal.  

People argue all the time and whatever their relationship to each other, misunderstandings can be damaging.  Time will heal the broken pieces, and sometimes it’s the only remedy.  

Time really can mend your heart and bring you peace of mind.  It’s pointless to bear a grudge, the negative emotion is with you, not the subject of your emotion so in the end you’ll only end up hurting yourself. 

Your love for your dreams, and the discipline you’ll develop to achieve them will attract the right people and situations to you.  Walking the path towards your goal requires patience, devotion and love, and for these reasons only some become successful.

Simply ask yourself these questions: how much do I want it?  Am I willing to sacrifice my time?  Put my social life on hold?  Endure backwards steps in order to move forward?  Or, to struggle financially?  If you can answer yes to all of these questions then you’re ready to start your journey.  But remember, success will take its sweet time so always be mindful of that.

HAVE PATIENCE WITH ALL THINGS BUT MOSTLY WITH YOURSELF.

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ARE YOU A PEOPLE PLEASER?

Do you put your needs after everyone else’s? Do you wait for people to be happy, so you can feel happy? Do you always say – YES? Do you give more to others than you give to yourself? Are you always organising other people’s lives?

Well, if you answered yes to many of these questions you are simply putting yourself second best. This behaviour is deeply rooted in your past, whether it is abusive parents, harsh critics, an absence of love, neglect, unrealistically high expectations of yourself or feeling at odds with society. 

Being continuously criticised or neglected causes the need for excessive control by trying to please everyone and projecting a sense of perfection. There are many people with this behaviour, and often there is one commonality – the fear of rejection or failure. Your attempt to please the world leaves you feeling like you’ve done something good; by always helping and giving you think people will have to love you in return.

"Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing." - AUGUST WILSON -

This pattern is very destructive as you are neglecting yourself. It can make you passive aggressive and foster resentment and it may also affect your ability to enjoy other people’s company and make you reclusive. In the worst cases, it can cause acute stress and depression as you will feel like everyone takes advantage of you. When your heart is lacking love and has done for a very long time, giving and pleasing is one of the many human coping mechanisms – pleasing becomes a currency to buy a moment of love. By pleasing, you feed on the emotion of other people and it will become addictive. You’ll end up relying on other people to make you feel good, whereas it should come from within. The remedy if you’re a people pleaser is learning how to say NO! The more you give, the more you’ll feel that you have been used, where in truth it was your choice to give, no matter if people asked for something or not. The choice to say NO is always yours.

"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection" - GAUTAMA BUDDHA -

You are no good to anyone if you don’t look after yourself. Your heart is in the right place, but before you feed the world you must feed yourself. Give to others if you have extra, but don’t deprive yourself from things that your heart desires. Don’t let the guilt of success or personal abundance ruin your enjoyment of life. Start being generous towards yourself, as other people only need your love -- anymore than that is superfluous. You cannot buy love, but if you surround yourself with the right people they will love you unconditionally. Indulge in the things that you enjoy – by fulfilling your deepest desires and making your dreams come true, you won’t have the need to please continuously.

Most people want to surround themselves with strong and confident people; so you must learn how to say NO as otherwise you will be taken advantage of. There are many people who will try to pass you boring tasks and make you responsible for difficult situations, don’t make their life easy at the expense of yours.

“If you don't build your dream, someone else will hire you to help them build theirs.”- DHIRUBHAI AMBANI -

You are an incredible human being with a bright future, just choose to see it! Release the pain from the past, your lack of love can be filled with a handful of good people and the pursuit of a happy life.

YOUR UPBRINGING & YOUR PAST DON’T DEFINE YOUR FUTURE. 

YOU DO!

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WOMEN. Why can't a woman be equal to a man?

A woman simply can't be labelled as a child bearer and slave to the opposite sex. Women certainly play the lead role in keeping the human-race going, but they are also wives, lovers, friends, business partners and so much more.

“No man succeeds without a good woman behind him. Wife or Mother, if it is both, he is twice blessed indeed.” - GODFREY WINN -

I find it fascinating that women in our century are still in many ways inferior to men, even though they have proven to be as emotionally strong and intelligent. Is it because they are feminine, sensitive and concerned? That only means they care, perhaps some more than others, but in general they care. We do live in a man's world, but only because we allow it to be. Men earn more money, have better jobs and hold more positions of power. In some parts of the world they're allowed to marry several women, be educated and drive, but all these rights are forbidden to woman.

Men have had the vote since democracy was put into practice, but woman had to fight for it and even today, in some countries, woman still don't have the right to vote. Furthermore, woman in many cases are expected to give up work to raise their children; becoming a mother shouldn’t mean sacrificing the pleasures of being independent and successful. Far too many men forget they have a share in raising their own children.

New Zealand was the first country to allow women to vote in 1893, while the King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia granted women the right to vote in 2011. The United States began allowing women to vote in 1920, after the ratification of the 19th Amendment to the Constitution. 

In our modern world, women are often seen as sex objects and this can easily be confirmed by observing the behaviour of some men when they’re around women. 

Guys need to understand that their behaviour towards women has an impact on society and the female psyche.

Women have the right to feel elegant, pampered, and sexy without the fear of being harassed or demeaned because they dared to turn down the attentions of a man. It is down to men to control their sex drive and primitive reactions towards beauty and the female form. Thankfully, I know and have met plenty of good men who are charming, socially aware and value woman by always treating them with respect. Ultimately, woman and men will play an equal role in the survival of our planet, and the society we build, but for now, male dominance is still global. Nevertheless, things are always changing for the better, perhaps too slowly in developing countries and theocracies (places that are governed by religion) where the power over woman can be both physically and mentally abusive.

Since the breakthrough of social media, the truth about how woman are treated in every corner of the globe is being exposed. Every day you read about rape, domestic violence, child abuse, mental torture and sexual discrimination. In some parts of the world women are sold as slaves, denied freedom and reduced to nothing – for example women living in Yemen are still waiting to obtain a right that westerners take for granted: the right to be considered a full human being! They are many good men out there, but also many that will use their physical force to boost their ego by belittling woman.

Women have showed their worth and incredible abilities throughout history. Their contributions to developed societies are undeniable, so we need to keep fighting for women who are kept in the dark without a voice. We must keep fighting for women’s rights everywhere in the world – they are still too many women and female children who are denied the freedom to be. 

“I hate men who are afraid of women's strength.” - ANAIS NIN - 

Here’s a short list of pioneers and powerful woman from the past and present; may their legacy keep growing.

Dr. Wendy Jacobson was the first woman on the moon. She flew to the moon on Apollo 23, in December, 1975. She was the first woman to walk on the moon.

Oprah Winfrey is an American media proprietor, talk show host, actress, producer, and philanthropist. Winfrey is best known for her multi-award-winning talk show The Oprah Winfrey Show which was the highest-rated program of its kind in history and was nationally syndicated from 1986 to 2011. She has been ranked the richest African-American of the 20th century, the greatest black philanthropist in American history, and is currently North America's only black billionaire.

Elizabeth Blackwell (3 February 1821 – 31 May 1910) was the first woman to receive a medical degree in the United States, as well as the first woman on the UK Medical Register. She was the first openly identified woman to graduate from medical school, a pioneer in promoting the education of women in medicine in the United States.

Dilma Rousseff is the President of Brazil; she is one of the world's most powerful heads of state. Rousseff is more than halfway through her term as President of Brazil, the world's seventh-largest national economy.

WHATEVER YOU GIVE A WOMAN, SHE WILL MAKE IT GREATER.

READ NEXT: India through the eyes of Anon. 

DEFICIENCY OF LOVE

OUR WORLD SUFFERS FROM A DEFICIENCY OF LOVE that causes so many people to feel misunderstood and disheartened. What is LOVE? It’s an intense feeling of affection that can heal your heart from pain and hate and fills it with joy and happiness. Our heart is the first organ to form during foetal development in the womb and I don’t think this is random but the creation of a person through love which is the essence of life.

Without love our hearts couldn’t function properly, it knows how to love but when broken the pain starts and hate can result. Our earth is in desperate need of compassion and equality; the reason why so many people feel lost and unhappy is partially because they feel misunderstood and unloved. Instead of loving some people prefer conflict and are quick to judge those that are different, sometimes it is easier to be unkind than give a little bit of our own heart. People have forgotten the simple kindness towards one another, the acceptance of our neighbours, and acceptance of people the way they are; instead we seek validation for our choices and criticise anyone who dares to be different.

I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear. - Martin Luther King, Jr. -

We don’t show enough love, or say it enough either. The way we are brought up has a huge impact on who we become later in life. Growing up surrounded by unconditional love and a happy family helps create a balanced mind; but sadly, this isn't given to everyone.

Although, I do believe that anybody can turn their life around and become happy, even if their childhood was dysfunctional. It’s about forgiving the past and letting go of it. And, in some cases letting go of the people that bring drama into your life, no hate is required, silence will speak for itself. Keeping people in your life that make you depressed is like carrying a hedgehog in your pocket so every time you put your hand in, you get hurt.

Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. - Oscar Wilde -

I have read so much about people’s unhappiness: suffering in silence, heartache, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, negativity, misfits, but all of these feelings come to one thing, the lack of love for yourself and low self-esteem. If there is a lack of love for yourself, there will be pain and sadness. It’s not easy but once you enter the land of pain; make sure you have the intention to come out stronger and self-loving, otherwise a life of sadness will be your fate. Everyone in the world can be happy but it starts by loving who you are and what you are born with. Love all that you are including your gifts, your talents, your body and your mind. You are your own person; you don’t need to be like everyone else to be happy. You don’t need your friends, family or the neighbours to approve of your choices on how you live your life; you only need their love, if it’s unconditional.

By loving who you are and being confident in making choices that please you, you will attract happy people and your energy level will be on a higher frequency. Don’t let the gloominess of life steal your heart. We all have our battles. Don’t let go as the best is yet to come.

Do things you love, with people you love. Become passionate about something so the lack of love is filled. You must decide that happy is the only way to live. Love those who love you and ignore the haters. Your happiness can save the world and bring peace, it is the best thing you can influence someone with, compassion and love, so they in turn can influence someone else. If everyone took charge of their own happiness, and cared for one another, the world would be different. If we started to smile and be kind to each other as often as possible, the misinterpretation of kindness will disappear and become normal. Disregard the people, who won’t embrace it, they cannot love if they don’t feel it. Don’t tell the world; show it with your actions.

SPREAD LOVE AND KINDNESS SO ONE DAY THEY BECOME LIKE BREATHING AIR AND DRINKING WATER.

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PARENT'S BLESSING: Why seek approval?

We only end up hurting if we don't get it as we know we have failed to meet their expectations.Do we need to please our parents and follow their ways? I don’t believe so. We are individuals not clones with our own aspirations. Some parents heavily influence their children to follow their path; in an odd way they push them toward their unachieved dreams, their religious beliefs, and their way of life.

Of course, parents will have a certain way of living which their children will have to accept. They'll have do as they're told, but only until they're old enough to make their own choices and chase their own dreams.

I believe that parents should raise their kids with unconditional love and with discipline, but also encourage their independence and freewill to become whomever they want to be.

I once met an intelligent and beautiful girl at a model agency.

I asked her: “Where are you from? She said: “From Puerto Rico”. I was amazed that she came from somewhere so far away. I asked her if she was a model back home. She answered: ”No, I was a pilot”. I was gob smacked! I asked: "What are you doing here in London?" She replied: “I’m here on a student visa to get away from my dad and make my dream come true. I never wanted to become a pilot, that was my dad’s dream. I want to be a model, I'm passionate about fashion.”

We all know people who are living their lives in a certain way to keep their parents or others happy. They feel like it's their duty, an obligation towards them and they're willing to sacrifice some of their own freedom to please them. That’s a personal choice and no one should be judged for it. However, many suffer the consequences. Their heart divorces their mind and they become unhappy as they aren't living the life they desire.

"All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair." - Mitch Albom -

The lack of support or love from your parents will hurt but that’s only a problem if you choose to let the pain take over. Time will heal your wounds. Do you really need their blessing to breathe air? Do you need their approval to choose who you love? Do you need them to hold your hand for your first day at work? No! So why is it any different to choose the life you want?

It is heart breaking when a parent disapproves of your choices, rejecting the life you have chosen or sometimes showing disapproval through disinterest. I kind of understand their perspective though. They think they know what is best for you and want to protect you from the bad choices they made. They forget that we all have different values and different ambitions, so we all need to follow our own path. I don’t think this makes them bad parents, just afraid of the unknown with little faith in what is possible.

"Lucky parents who have fine children usually have lucky children who have fine parents." - James A. Brewer -

It isn’t our job to fulfil our parent’s unfinished dreams or live the life they have chosen for us, but we do have a duty towards ourselves to fulfil our own destiny. 

Some kids are happy to take over the family business or follow the same profession as their parents because it's a family tradition and other kids want something different. It's the same with spiritual, political and religious beliefs, some will keep them going and others will make their own choices.

If you are a parent, don't be disappointed if your son or daughter has chosen to live free and be their own person. Most kids are grateful to their parents for the clothes on their backs, the food on the table, and the roof over their head. Mostly they are grateful for the chance to live and this can only be repaid by love. Be proud of your kids and love them, accept their choices and passions, they want your love and acceptance more than anything, but they will find a way to live without it if this is not the case.

Parents have the gift to heal the world, by teaching unconditional love to the next generation SO OUR FUTURE CAN BE BRIGHTER.

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FRIENDS

FRIENDSHIP is such a beautiful thing especially when two people truly appreciate and respect each other, and when the feeling is mutual. Friends should bring you joy and make you grow, they are a core part of life, having friends that you trust and love is essential to your well being.  I treat mine like I would like to be treated - I love them and wish them happiness.

« Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom ». - Marcel Proust -

I once had a friend that I trusted, but the relationship was unbalanced.  I would make her laugh when she was down; I’d send her gifts and fly to visit her every year.  I was her friend basically; but on many occasions she would say unkind things and I wouldn't say anything back. She didn't make me feel great about myself.

What this taught me is not blame the other person for being unkind or not returning what you have invested in the relationship, but to have self-respect and understand that people, whomever they are, will treat you the way you let them treat you.  Some people are simply unhappy or insecure and can’t return your kindness; and others are a little needy and may overwhelm you with a demanding friendship. If you have doubts about a friend ask yourself these questions:

Does this person make me happy? Can I be myself with this person? Does this person love me? Does this person lift my spirits and believe in my potential? Can I trust this person? When I think of this person, do I smile?

If most answers are 'NO' then protect your happiness and self-esteem, drift away gently without drama, sometimes the best thing to do is to do nothing. Some people only cross your path to teach you something, so learn and move on.

There are different types of friendships and some are hard to identify.  It is essential that you surround yourself with happy and positive people that assume the best in life, even when down moments hit unexpectedly hard. Do your best to be there for the people that are going through a hard time, the genuine friends that just need a little boost from a good person so they can find their smiley face again.

“A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself.” - Jim Morrison -

I’ve had a variety of friends, from wonderful to toxic, but I’m grateful to all of them because I have learnt so much through these different friendships.  As I understand more about the types of people in the world, I also have a better understanding about who to let in my life and who I should protect myself from.

IT TAKES ALL KINDS TO MAKE THE WORLD GO ROUND.

The Supportive Friend - Always ready to cheer. Everyone should have a cheerful friend that will support you and your dreams. This little gem will love you and be ready to fight your corner. They are true to you, they don’t gossip, they're rarely negative and they remind you what a fantastic person you are. Treat those friends like diamonds, if you lose them they will be difficult to replace!

The Guru - The Guru is someone that gives you hints and clues on what to do when you are lost or not sure about the way forward. This friend always seems to know what to say and when to say it. They are truthful and they’ve experienced life and learnt their lessons. They sometimes go overboard and forget that everyone needs to make their own mistakes in order to learn the lessons. They have your best interests at heart because they love you and don’t want you to suffer.

The Comedian Friend - Nothing is that serious. The Comedian Friend makes you laugh, from your belly. They'll make your day with crazy stories. They have a gift to make people laugh and they’ll always see the positive side of any situation and make it into something funny. After having spent some time with this friend, you should have a smile on your face. Laughter is the best medicine. We all have a different sense of humour and sometime this friend is misunderstood and may offend people by joking about something sensitive.

The Good/ Best Friend - Everyone needs good and trustworthy friends in their life.  This friend sticks by you no matter what, because they love you and understand you like no one else. They would never would speak behind your back and don't judge you. Your best friend is the first person you call when you are down or going through hard times, also the one you call when you've got yourself in the “poo”, because they know that you are there for them, too. The relationship is balanced. They remember your birthday every year and celebrate the special moments. Some of your best experiences in life are with your best friend. I'm lucky to have a few of these gems in my life. I have experienced the craziest and funniest moments with them but also shared my tears and sadness, without these guys my life wouldn’t be what it is, they are my family.

The Toxic Friend - Vampire emotion, they suck the life out of you. The frustrating thing about this friendship is how it creeps up on you unexpectedly. Their negativity is astonishing, nothing is possible, and everything that happens to them is the end of the world. If you are sharing future plans with them, instead of cheering for your success they give you a list of bad things that might happen if you do it. Most conversations are about them and how unlucky they are. Usually these people don’t make you feel good about yourself and may even make you feel guilty to have what you have. They often knock your confidence down by throwing unkind comments your way to make themselves feel better. Knowing the signs of a toxic friend will help you to avoid remaining in such a friendship, or perhaps even developing one in the first place.

The Serial Canceller - You are disposable. This one has issues with time keeping and diary management. They will cancel on you all the time at the last minute. They know their craft and their excuses are original, but the truth is they simply can’t be bothered to meet you. Usually they will go quiet on you when they are busy and won’t have time to meet-up, but when they are bored they will know where to find you. If someone is not willing to make the effort to value your friendship, then move on. To them you are at their disposition and they will take advantage of your kindness.

The Taker Friend - An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of heartache. They will be happy to receive things from you, but you won’t see much from them. They love you when you pay the bills at the restaurants or when you spoil them with gifts on their birthday, but you won’t see a thing from them on your special days. They always borrow without giving back what they owe you and they always call you when they need something, but when you need something back they’re conveniently busy or unavailable. They are so happy to have you as a friend because you are generous. To be friend with a taker will drain you and lower your confidence, as you will be confused as to why you have given so much but received nothing in return. To avoid the heartache which may result from low self-esteem, you must walk away; they don’t deserve your time or your kindness.

Treat and love your friends like diamonds but do yourself a favor, walk away from negativity no matter what.

A few good friends is all you need.

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